I feel a need to blog.

This year passed real fast, even faster than 2009, which was already super fast. I don't know if it's due to the O levels or what. At first it was February, and after what seems like a month, it was August. Now, it's October already. Omg, time flies. 4/7's been playing games in class these days. I think it's a pity that we are only playing them now, because we have no more chances to play it anymore :( Today's our last. It's when almost the whole class' girls sit down, regardless of who closer to who, playing lame games like 20cents & polarbear. For a moment, I forgot about exams. I was happy, really. I don't know I'm feeling so emotional about it. I mean, it's kind of.. sad right? At the beginning when I came into 3/7, I don't really like this class. But I realised that as we all grow up, the not so nice things will become nicer. Everything seems less fake, everything seems so genuinely true. Okay, what am I talking about.

I'm starting to cherish times spent with 4/7 now. Today was a short 1 and a half hours in the hall. & yet it managed to hit something into me. I guess, that's how impactful it is (: O levels are just next week, with English starting as the main paper. I really really hope that every single person in 4/7 will do well. We will all go up on stage together okay! (:

Today's science practical kind of sucked. My axis was wrong, but the shape of my graph was correct. How weird. & for chemistry I didn't make the link that zinc was a reducing agent despite knowing that iron (III) turned into iron(II). & I handed up an orange coloured exam script because I spilled my solution. It was.. epic. They said ' Shake thoroughly. ' & I did. In the end the stopper flew out and the next thing I knew, the chemical was all over my table. :( Well, it's already over. No point crying over spilt milk. I've to work doubly hard for my science papers.

I've been getting headaches, stomachaches and other achings frequently. & I'm scared. Is it stress, or is there really something that is happening to my body? Mom asked me to go for a checkup. But I don't want :( Please, please, nothing happen please. :(

Oh yeah, happy belated birthday 21st Oct's babies ( Waikiat, Valarie & Stefanie )
Happy birthday to Bennett & my stupid tutor ( 22nd Oct ) (:

I'm sick :( I can't concentrate on studying. I spend most of my time in bed. I get headaches. I feel like vomitting but nothing comes out. & the thought that O levels is only 9 days away scares me. It's only 9 days away and i cant get anything done wtf.

Urgh i hate myself.

I feel like screaming everything out. Previously i used to sing when i'm undergoing stress. Now I can't even sing because of my stupid cough which is killing me. Zzzzzz.

In a few more minutes time, it will be 10 more days to O level. Faster over, faster over. So little time I've got, but so many things I've to do. Ahh. Study, study, study. Regretted going to school today. Because most lessons were doing of your own things. I rather sleep later at home then study all the way. So, not going school tomorrow, meeting people at 139 to eat then studyyyyyyyyyyy! Well, hope I'll do some work. 

Headaches have been haunting me nowadays. I've been relying on medicated oil to keep myself conscious. The feeling sucks :( Mom told me not to do so anymore, because it's not good. But I feel so uncomfortable if I dont use it! :( Gah. I wanted to chiong amaths yesterday at home. Thanks to slight fever, headaches & sore throat, I wasted a day. Damn. Every day is so important to me nowwwwwww!

Things haven't been going smoothly recently. Deaths are pretty common recently too. Just received a bad news from family. I hope, i hope, everything will be fine. Seeing my grandma and mom so sad makes me feel upset too. I don't want to see them cry, and i have to be strong in order to catch them fall. Bad things keep coming one by one. Honestly, this year's one of the worst years ever. Sometimes in buses, when I look at small kids, I envy them so much. At their age, they don't really have much to worry about except studying. I miss that feeling, the feeling of not having to worry about anything. Everything is laid out for you nicely. How awesome is that life?

Well, life goes on. I pray, & please pray for me, that everything turns out well. Please, please..

Hey there, a short update since i'm using my sister's laptop.

Skipped school on tuesday and wednesday. Mr chan called my mom to tell her that physics on tuesday was productive, and i missed that lesson. & then i started to think, when is physics productive? ._. Hmm.

Yesterday met up with some people to study. I realise, i do very little work when i'm out. But when i'm at home, i dont even study -.- Today i wanted to try studying on my own at home. Headaches killed me. My head doesnt feel like my head. So, i ended up sleeping for the whole day. & now, i feel so sick. Ahh, wasted one day. I could have finished revising for my amaths today. :( I cancelled tuition too. I just hate headaches, urgh.

It's 8 more days to science o level practical, less than 2 weeks to the main papers. If you ask me now if i've confidence of making it, honestly speaking, i don't. Yes, i'm studying. But not as much. Not as much as others, not as much for me to overcome this battle. I just hope i'll have the motivation to study. Because without that motivation, i can't accomplish anything at all.

Alright, update soon. Byebye.

The last lap.

I think I'm having exam stress -.- I mean, everyone is undergoing it, especially at this time, when o levels starts 2 weeks later. Oh-my-gosh. The thought of it makes me feel so scared. To be honest, I'm afraid of its arrival. But on the contrary, I can't wait for it to be over. How contradicting :(

Every morning i wake up, i think about o levels. Every night i sleep, i dream about exams. Gawd, i want to escape from this nightmare! Hmm, nowadays there's so little people online on my msn list, so little people active on facebook. That made me stop and think if i'm lagging behind. It made me think if i'm the only one who's still feeling so indifferent towards o levels. O levels spell s-i-a-n. :( 

& yes, there's school tomorrow. I'll go to school tomorrow and hopefully, tomorrow's lessons will be effective. And I'm gonna skip school on tuesday and wednesday, and study on my own these two days. Because most likely, those two days of lessons will be ineffective. Hmm.

Alright, off to bed now, goodnight world.

' Only when we develop a habit to seek the light can wisdom come our way. '

L1R4 - 18.

L1R5 - 24. 

What shitty results I've got -.- 

Enough of prelims, shall update a little on what's happening. School's kind of pointless recently. We either have relief periods or lessons full of crap. For example, today. I didn't even want to go to school. But i still went for english. We had 6 periods of school today, but 4 of them were relief periods. Luckily, mdm kamisah did come. Or else I'll be going school for nothing.

I skipped school on wednesday. I heard that 12 people didn't come. Like, wow. I think many people are gonna create their own study breaks since this stupid school doesn't have it. But really, not going to school to study but study at home/ outside is far more effective. In school, the only thing i feel like doing is sleep. When I come home, I'm too tired to do anything, I go and sleep again. .____.

Alright, I have to go out now, byebye.

I feel like giving up.

I feel so defeated. Results suck. Fuck O levels. It's ruining my life. I feel so tired, so tired. It's 3 weeks to O levels. People say when they get bad results, they will gain motivation and work even harder for the next paper. But why isn't this happening on me? I feel even more shag, even more unmotivated. Looking at all my friends around me improving in their studies make me feel super proud of them. But on the other hand, it makes me think if I'm not doing enough, if I'm not putting enough effort into my studies to make dreams come through. I'm not asking for really great grades. I'm just looking for results that I'm satisfied with. Honestly speaking, I didn't put in my 100 percent for this prelim. Since so, why am i still so sad about my results? Is it because I've higher expectations of myself after prep exams? Urgh. After all this ranting, i know life still goes on. I can't do anything about it, except to work hard, can i?

Happy birthday, Destin(29 Sept) & Hehan(2nd Oct). (:

Bugis yesterday with the people above to celebrate destin's & hehan's birthday. Met the girls + jordan chewei darrell joel @ mrt platform first before going over to bugis. It's been long since all of us had a gathering like this. I do miss the times, that homely feeling together with them. They are the ones who made my secondary school life memorable. But, why does it feel so different now? A few more months together, and then we'll all go separate ways. I really really cherish every moment with them now.

We shopped a while for their presents. Me & Sofia's legs were hurting, and we were the two who were not wearing heels! Only shopped for a little while, but we felt so tired. I guess, too long never go shopping already! Same old saying ' After O levels. ' :( Met up with the rest of the guys after that, then headed for dinner. We had steamboat, 18 per person, so not worth it at all ._. Iluma after dinner for a mini photo taking and such. Love the atmosphere there (: Arcade after that, all of us were so into the coin dozer which kept sucking our money! Left the guys at 1030 & cabbed home with sophia, because they were tonning. Cab fare came up to 20 bucks, due to city charge and booking fare. I'm broke now :(

Shall post up some photos, rest of them @ fb!